Don't Kill Me!
by SocklessxinxSeattle
Summary: After a night spent reading Snapped Canada fanfictions, Alfred goes to visit his brother.  Only to find Canada covering his pancakes with cherry syrup


**Warning: OOcness, Alfred being weird**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia (if I did Canada would play a more prominent role) **

* * *

><p>America gulped and looked around his brother's brightly lit kitchen. He really regretted coming over for breakfast. Because last night he had stayed up reading snapped Canada fics on a website Hungary had showed him. (Apparently Kiku had written a manga about the countries and now they all had legions of fangirls.) The only reason he had read them was because they were so laughable. The idea of his brother <em>murdering<em> anyone was ridiculous, he only got violent during hockey season. So when said Canuck invited him over for breakfast, he laughed off the doubts in the back of his mind and agreed. Now that he was here however, he wasn't so sure.

"Alfred! Food's ready!" Canada turned away from the stove carrying a plate stacked high with fluffy pancakes.

Alfred grinned weakly and tried to laugh "Uh... Awesome bro!...Can't wait!"

Canada frowned a little "Al are you okay? You seem a little off."

"Course Mattie! I just um... stayed up late playing video games again. I'll be fine. I am the HERO after all." He tried to tell himself that it was just fiction, straight from the minds of deranged fangirls._ It wasn't real._ It worked... sorta.

"Well... if you say so." Matthew put the pancakes on the table and went to retrieve something from the cupboard. As he rooted around, he continued speaking. "I'm really sorry but we kind of... ran out of maple syrup. So we'll have to make do with this" The blonde found what he was looking for and came back to the table. On it he placed a container of cherry syrup.

Alfred stared in horror at the red liquid inside the dispenser. Cherry syrup had played a prominent part in those fics. They all started out the same, he would be innocently sitting at Mattie's kitchen table when the Canadian would enter bearing "cherry syrup" covered pancakes saying he had run out of the maple kind. Then, when he, Alfred, went to eat them he would find that it wasn't cherry syrup but _blood,_ and he would stare at his brother in horror. Then Mattie would kill him.

Alfred started trembling as he stared at the blonde across the table, drizzling some of the red liquid on the pancakes, oblivious to his brother's terror. He wondered whose blood it was. He hoped it wasn't Arthur's.

'Stop it America!' He inwardly berated himself. This was no time to dwell on the past. He was the hero, not some whiny damsel in distress, and right now his job was to get out of this alive and warn the others. After that he could give Arthur a proper burial and spend the rest of his life mourning him. But not now!

Canada looked up, just now realizing how weird his brother was acting. "Al, are you _sure_ you're okay?"

'_Don't give anything away_' "I told ya, I'm feeling great! I can't wait to start...eating that... delicious blo-cherry syrup!"

Canada gave him an odd look "...right" He stood up and went upstairs.

Alfred collapsed against the table. Thank god, he didn't give anything away. Good thing he was such a great liar. Only... what was Canada doing upstairs? Did he have more victims which he was torturing right now? Or maybe he was making more... cherry syrup.

A better question was, what was Alfred still doing here? He quickly got up to race to the door, when he heard a forbidding "_Who_?" coming from the corner of the kitchen.

He turned slowly to find himself looking into the soul less eyes of Kuma-whoever, his brother's demonic bear. It was watching him. Making sure he couldn't escape. He couldn't let it know that he knew.

"Ah ha ha ha Just... stretching." He touched his toes and ran in place "Yup! Sitting sure does cramp up the legs!" The bear continued staring. Alfred sat back down, chuckling nervously. He would have to find some other way to escape.

He heard the sound of shoes running down the stairs. Too late. In burst his brother "Alfred, look what I got!" Clutched above his head, like a prize, was a hockey stick.

Alfred blanched. In all the stories Mattie's weapon of choice had been the hockey stick. He was going to kill him! But.. he had done everything perfectly, Mattie couldn't have possibly found out he knew. He must have made him mad somehow! He looked at the calendar, it was on the tip of his tongue. Then he saw the cake drawn under July first... OH SHIT HE HAD FORGOTTEN MATTIE'S BIRTHDAY! His brother was going to bludgeon him to death because of a missed birthday! There was only one thing to do!

Alfred threw himself to the ground and hugged the blonde's ankles. Canada jerked back in surprised and almost fell.

"I'M SORRY I'M SO SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO MISS YOUR BIRTHDAY! I WAS BUSY! I PROMISE TO COME TO EVERY ONE OF YOUR BIRTHDAYS FROM NOW ON, I'LL EVEN HOST THEM! AND I PROMISE I WON'T TELL ANYONE ONE YOU'RE USING ARTIE'S BLOOD FOR PANCAKE TOPPINGS!_ JUST DON'T KILL ME_!"

Canada looked down at his brother. There were no words to describe what he was feeling right now. He thought over Alfred's words, and tried to respond calmly and patiently "Alfred, _what_ are you talking about?"

Somewhere in the middle of his confession America had started crying. He wiped away the tears with his sleeve and sniffed "Well last night...I was reading.. and there was you... and cherry syrup but not, _blood _and England. Then your hockey stick... bashing, and killing..._so much killing."_

Matthew put the hockey stick down and untangled his brother from around his legs. Then he say down at the table, rubbing his temples, and tried to decode his brother's ramblings.

"Alright, let me get this straight. You were reading stories about me going insane and killing people." Alfred nodded "And you believed it?" Another nod. The Canadian sighed "Why?"

"Well... in all the fics you were depressed because no one acknowledged your existence so you decided to get revenge by killing them all. And no one notices you in meetings or anything so it's possible that you could... you know... do the same thing."

Okay,that hurt. "Al, you know me, I would never do that!"

"But Mattie, the cherry syrup! You never eat anything but _maple_ syrup. The only reason you would change would be if you went insane and started drinking the blood of your victims!"

"First off, that's disgusting. And second I really am out of maple syrup because _someone_ woke up in the middle of the night and ate it all." He directed a glare at his bear in the corner.

The bear glared back "Yeah, you."

"Well you helped. Anyway, since we were out of maple syrup I decided cherry was better than nothing." Alfred still looked doubtful. He rolled his eyes "Oh here" He scraped up some of the syrup on a fork and handed it to the American.

Alfred eyed it distrustingly and hesitantly stuck out his tongue. It was sweet, not like iron at all. He stuck the fork in his mouth and stood up. "But... but... the Hockey stick"

"You were acting weird so I figured some hockey would cheer you up."

"Oh..." America could feel a blush starting to stain his cheeks "Sorry about that bro"

"No problem. Now do you want some pancakes or not?"

.oOo.

Canada scrubbed the plates, trying to get the red stickiness completely off. They had just finished breakfast and America had left him-once again- with the dirty dishes. Honestly, he had no manners.

As the nation washed the dishes, he reminisced on the day's events. Alfred could be so impressionable. Which is why Hungary shouldn't have shown him fanfiction, he was getting all these crazy ideas. Still, his brother was right, the other countries did have a tendency to ignore him. Maybe he should be more assertive or something. He would try talking louder at the next meeting.

The idea of him murdering everyone however, complete craziness. _Although_, if he was going to go on a killing spree he wouldn't use a hockey stick, he would use a curling rock

* * *

><p><strong>My take on Snapped Canada. And I'm sorry if I offended anyone, I did this mostly out of boredom<strong>


End file.
